If I had the choice…

A recent encounter with someone from my past has made me very reflective on my life. Have you had those? Those moments where you wonder how your life would have been different or easier if you’d made a different choice way back when… Of course you have, we all have.

But I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now and here is the conclusion that I have come to. If I stood on the horizon of my life and I saw two paths to choose from. A safe and predictable path or an unknown adventure path. I know without a doubt I’d choose the adventure path each and every time. I’d take the risk and follow the path that would teach me the most in this lifetime.

When I first encountered this ghost of my past,  I was filled with regret – with wonder about what would have happened if I hadn’t missed that opportunity.

From this perspective, the one looking back, knowing where they went and where I am… I know exactly why I missed that opportunity. Regardless of how comfortable and easy a path with them would have been, the adventurer in me would have weighed the risk and chosen the adventure. Notice I didn’t say it was the difference between the dangerous path and the gentle or even the difference between and light and dark path – all of those things are a matter of perspective. Love was guaranteed, it was about the experience not the love. Love was guaranteed.

I don’t regret any of the things I’ve learned. I don’t regret missing that one opportunity that would have put me on a different, safer path. Just because something is good, doesn’t mean I would have felt satisfied. In fact I may have ended up trying to veer myself back to an adventure path. Part of feeling satisfied is accomplishing things, overcoming hard times, riding that rollercoaster up and down the hills…. and I LOVE rollercoasters. I’d have taken a good thing for granted and taken the shortcut across the field back to the adventure. But now is no time to speculate on the past with longing and regret. Definately not! It is time to reconcile my past and know that I am satisfied. I didn’t hurt the safe path passangers. The challenges I faced were worth the reward, the experience and while I still hold onto the knowledge that the safe path might have been there. It’s easier to let it go now. The timing was wrong for a safe path when I was so young. I even wonder if I’m just trying to rationalize my choices. Do I REALLY want to go back and make a different choice. I’m not looking for an excuse to throw a wrench into this life. The adventure has levelled out quite a bit, found it’s own degree of safety.

How do you reconcile your past? Are there things you regret? Things that might have been safe and easy? Are you an adventurer like I am? As much as I beleive in God, I don’t thing the Creator had any part in my choices, I would assert my own cotrol over my destiny and while things might have been heartbreakingly painful during the experience, looking back now, I know I would not have done it differently.

If I chose a different path all those years ago I wouldn’t have my husband or my beautiful children and THAT is something I simply can’t regret or wish to change whatever the challenges were to get here. I just look at the ghost of my past and it’s easy now to laugh like old friends. As we glanced at eachother there was a clear exchange of knowlegde that the past was a choice, it was a reality and we both chose even if we didn’t do it out loud. Perhaps they chose to let me take the adventure path, cause deep down they knew they wanted this life to be simpler. Not to say they haven’t had their own challenges and adventures, but I know without a doubt, love was not the deciding factor, it was adventure. When you recognize a safe path, that path will still be there in the next life, perhaps even later in this life. My  but the present was my choice. Adventures are not quite done yet and we’re on parallel paths right now. We get to watch the others journey and I don’t want to taint mine with regret or longing. There HAS to be a logical reason why I missed that opportunity and the only person I feel comfrotable in blaming is myself. My higher-self knew I HAD to miss it to find the greatest adventure.

Raise your glass and say, “Cheers to the adventure!” I am finally at a time in my life where I can understand with clarity, knowledge and love.  Which path did you choose? I chose from only the ones filled with love and came up with a whole lotta love.

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