Day 26 & 27- I AM Persnickety & I AM Moody

PersnicketyI am persnickety. The dictionary definition is of persnickety  basically says I’m a picky, snobby and very particular person who makes a big deal out of small details. I like things just ‘so’ and I prefer this word over the others. It can be a fault and I’ve often hurt people’s feelings because I know how I like things from my food, to my day to well, you name it and I’m probably picky about how I like it. And I’m a snob about it. I’m not going to eat macaroni salad just to please you, I don’t eat mayonnaise in any way shape or form, it’s just a fact of who I am. I am persnickety. And I can be too blunt about it. Confidence can be a bitch can’t it? So I’m labelled that too – a bitch. But I reject that label completely. Persnickety suites me better because I think there is a place where my kind of bitchy, pickiness is necessary and a strength. People know where they stand with me and what I think of something.

This label was given to me by my favourite high school art teacher – who unfortunately disappointed me by not being someone I could carry on a friendship with after high school. I get snarly when someone looks at my artwork and passes judgement on it before it is finished. If I am not happy with it, why would I go looking from someone elses opinion on it? And if you give me your opinion on it and it is neither helpful nor requested I get angry. Persnickety resulted from a lot of criticism and it developed as a way to protect myself. I became assertive enough to tell people to bugger off and come back when I’m ready for you and your opinions. I guess that makes me dismissive and rude. Persnickety might be an all around negative  label.

I AM moody. Yes, I too am a woman subject to shifts in my mood according to certain monthly cycles. And in some cases it is just an excuse. I also reject this one as a label. I hate when people try to sum up my complex emotions into a single word like moody. I am not moody and it’s not PMS and I’m not just being bitchy or emotional. Perhaps, just maybe, there is a valid reason why I am in such a mood and perhaps it’s just the natural shifts in body balance that allow me to express things better or worse at times. I am permitted to be grumpy and moody at times and I certainly don’t have to justify it to anyone. Just toss me some chocolate and try again later. I am human. I will rebound and come to you when I’m not moody or upset or avoiding dealing with things, but if I am, leave me alone. Balance in my life is giving myself to experience the full range of emotions and moods. I don’t have to be or every intend to be happy every day all day just so that you aren’t inconvenienced by my moodiness. I am not moody, I am human. Don’t comfort me or ask me if everything is okay – unless you really want to know and only if I trust you.

The combination of persnickety and moody. Well, we can’t all be sunshine and unicorn farts all the time. I am what I am, take me or leave me – but I will remember who left when things got rocky.

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