Day 10 – I Am Mean

And I don’t mean ‘mean’ as in physically abusive or lying – I mean ‘mean’ as in, when I think I’m right I don’t back down. If you post something I think is ignorant or stupid I am going to hone in on you until ‘you’ back down. Don’t pick on my kids, don’t pick on my family or my friends. Don’t spout any kind of garbage without doing your research. Don’t expect me to feel sorry for you after you walk away with your proverbial tail between your legs. If you’re going to say it, do it, or post it then you had better be well prepared to defend your position. I tell it like it is even if in the process I make you feel like crap.

For example, I had a teacher and we butted heads like no-one I’d ever had as a teacher before and it was only once in my entire school career that I ever had a teacher contact my parents about my behaviour. She hated that she couldn’t fail me, it was my best subject despite her best efforts to deduct marks it was probably one of the best marks in the class every time. But she demanded an apology but refused to apologise or make any compromise or considerations for me. So I flat out refused. I was mean. I told her we didn’t have to be friends, and we didn’t have to like each other, we just had to put up with each other until the end of the school year. And that was that, there was nothing anyone could say not my parents, not the principle.  This goes back to my stubborn nature and my scorpion zodiac sign.

She thought she’d won, but really I had done nothing wrong and I stood up for myself. I stood up for others and I did not allow people in powerful positions to take advantage of me or anyone I cared about. If you can’t handle criticism, then don’t ask my opinion on anything cause I’ll tell it like it is. I won’t just polish your ego unless your under the age of thirteen or so.  I might not swear profanities or even tell you I don’t like – unless you ask. Then I can’t lie. I might brush over the truth – like about the supper being good. I’ll say your painting was creative and unique or that I truly appreciate the meal or offer suggestions to make it better. I won’t tell you I love something if it’s not true.

My husband knows this and so he knows that when a compliment comes out of my mouth, it’s sincere and it’s true. So he appreciates each and every one of them. But, I’m mean – this is a reality that has cost me a few friendships and when I decide I don’t like you I stick to my opinion.  I follow my gut feeling and although I will be polite and tolerant I won’t back down unless I was wrong or unless you apologise and change. I have high standards. You might also say I’m honest and protective. But mean is a valid description of me in some situations. I don’t go out of my way to be mean to people. And in some cases it goes back to me being judgemental. If I can back up and see the whole picture… well, I’d rather do that.

But don’t pick a fight with me. I fight with truth and the truth can be mean.

I am mean but I am so much more and many more positive things.

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