I am a procrastinator and not necessarily in a good way. I procrastinate in ways that negatively affect me. I stress myself out at the last minute with the cram of whatever needs to be done. Like tonight, for example I still haven’t confirmed that all my children’s school stuff is ready to go. I continually sabotage myself by finding perfectly legitimate reasons to no do whatever it is I’m meaning to do. I have a list of things I’ve put off for months. And all of them affect me directly. I tend to NOT procrastinate when it involves someone elses’ needs. This isn’t alway true – I’m a hard and reliable worker and I do some amazing things when I buckle down. But a pile of bills that need to be filed and organized can sit on my desk for months along with the job of renewing that lost card and finishing that book and even folding the laundry. There are perfectly legitimate excuses for some of it.
I am wondering where I learned this and I think it has to do with my stuborness (perhaps my next label to address.) I spent a large part of my life actively not doing what was expected of me. Flying in the face of trying to be the good girl and striking my own path. I was never much of a rebel but procrastinating was something I could do.
I don’t really know what to do about it, I am a procrastinator and I am continually working on making my own needs a priority – to plan my time and get on top of things for my own benefit. I don’t think I can find anything positive about this label for myself except to acknowledge that it doesn’t apply to everything. I know that I have the ability to turn that tendency off and I need to start to look the places in my life where I want to put it off.
I am a procrastinator and am continuing to work on eliminating this excuse to not put myself and my needs and success first.